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Monday, January 24, 2005

Although it was an ordinary day and I wanted to go on a morning jog. It’s like so nice to jog and sweat it out in the morning. Jog and jog, I was like doing a fine exercise before I start my day to school. Set off to Lakeside at 8. But I was convinced that the turning point of my week has arrived.
I saw her; from far apart, say 50m? The back view of a short girl. I knew it was her. She was holding onto a big folder, containing some drawing materials, and a sling bag. For nearly 18mths, I thought that she vanished in my life… she was there. This girl is ziyi. I stood there, taking a second look; I took a deep breath and looked at the watch. 8:11am.

Ziyi was a classmate of mine since sec 1. She was from Yung An Primary. She is a Malaysian who, by source, from Johore. She lived not more than 500m from me. No big deal if I ever came across a fellow in my neighborhood. This may be the case for many, definitely not for me. I was a blur and lazy guy from JSS. A typical student who did not bother about learning in school. I was poor in math’s, and I wun bother to do homework. Thanks to some kind-hearted classmates, who would lend me their HW. Ziyi was one of them, and to my memory, she helped me to most with lending me her work. At this point, who would ever bother about this?

True in the sense, I was a superstitious person. I believe very much in fate. It’s like one bloody Saturday when I play “the mouth of truth’. It’s a pathetic fortune-telling machine that tells you your fate. The result was quite blurish. I could not figure any sense in it. ‘The person of your life often helps you when u need help most’ at that instance, I thought deeply and drawn to a stupid conclusion. Isst Ziyi? That time, anyone who could lend me his HW would be a saviour to me. But she helped me the most. I kept to this thinking for a long time. This feeling grew over days and weeks up to now years. It’s just something I could not explain. Things turned out that I would feel happy to see her everyday, and would be elated to talk to her. I seldom talked to her. She was also a quiet girl. But one big stumbling factor, maybe two, was that she had a stead and I was just a low self-esteem boy. I knew that nothing will ever turn out, but that feeling never ceased.

Time flies. When I ever thought of doing something for her, it never fails me. Year 2000, I intended to send her a box of cheap chocolate on her birthday. It was a Saturday. I thought she would be in school for her cca. She never came. Disappointed and Sian, I ate the chocolate all by myself. I gained weight because of it. 2001, I decided to give her a birthday card. I came early in the morning and slotted the card under her desk. However, I never wrote my name at all. At the end of the day, I realized that the card was missing. 1, she saw it and threw it away, 2, she kept it. It was a mixed feeling. O’s was around the corner, this stuff was shelved aside.

Prelim results were great and I managed to get into JJC for the 1st 3 month prog. It was more of good news that I saw her on the first day of school. Every morning, she would be sitting at this corner with her friend, and I would poke in to have a chat. It was when I knew more of what the mixed feelings I had all the time. I never paid attention in classes there, I was never interested in the subjects there, except history. Every morning, I waked up damn early to reach school to just talk to her for that 5 minutes. It was like what I looked forward there.

Time flies and results were out. I failed my English. No way can I get to JJC again. I cried, not because of the poor results, but also what I will lose in my short stay in JJC. She continued her studies in JJC. Thinking that there won’t be any meeting point in life anymore, I was extremely sad. As her birthday was around the corner, I asked my friend to pass her a Birthday card. I included a note that kind of reflected my mixed feelings for her.

I came to Ngee Ann in the course of BEM. I told myself to do well. I did. First semester was great. But I did not really get well with my classmates. But thank god I managed to get to friends and classmates that really treated me as friend. I confided them about that issue only in the 2nd semester, and the answer: go for it. That was just easier said than done.

I bought a Amour CD compilation, and waited in the on valentine’s day dawn under her void deck. Thinking of passing her the CD when she walks to school. It should be easy. But to me, waiting for her is like bloody long. I saw her, pass her the CD and ran my ass off. I said nothing but as I ran away, I heard clearly, she said thanks. Sincerely hope that she knows that LianJie don’t go around giving CDs away as gifts to any girl. Maybe it’s like WL the gang supported me to buy something on her birthday. With a tight budget, I manage to squeeze a necklace for her. But I had a problem. I forgotten her birthday date liao. I went on the fateful day 14th March 2003. Again morning, I waited and waited. I saw her, but this time, things went to a flop. I am sure that I missed her birthday. She knows what’s going on, but she insisted that she wants to focus on studies. Seems like nothing much to say. I asked her to throw the necklace away, and walked off. It was an utterly flop, one big failure that I ever felt since my D7 in ENG. Seems like WL they all would think I am damn sad and might take the edge of the knife. Sadly, I didn’t. Seems like relationship runs in revolutions. I was rejected by a girl; Vinson dumped his stead on the same day.

Months later, an ex-classmate called me up. She got my friend to pass the CD and necklace to me. Sad is sad, but I firmly believe that I really recovered a bit liao. But this blow dealt was again striking. He returned me the stuff, CD intact, and the necklace warped nicely intact. i knew it should be the end. But when I open the present, I notice that one wrapping was torn, presumably that someone has opened it before. The birthday card I attached and hidden in the warping was gone. Someone must be took them off. I grilled that friend of mine, he sweared that he never did anything to it. Seems like it could be Ziyi who did it. I kind of put this issue aside and focus on my studies.

When the A’ levels results were out, I heard that she did not do well for it. According to sources, she is retaking this year. I was shocked and felt sad for her. It was until July when I heard the news. A friend of mine saw her at Lakeside MRT station. I waited early in a few Tuesdays at the stations, nothing turned out.

Another friend told me he met her and got to know she is in NAFA. I was like surprised but yet felt happy for her. She still gets to continue her studies and doing something I think she likes. She likes drawing and art. I saw her at 08 10. I couldn’t see her in face, but I can swear it was her. Seeing her again once brighten my day again once more.

7:46 PM


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